Fat girl, fit body
Wait, what? How can that be possible? If I have a fit body, how can I still be a fat girl? Ohh the wonders of the human brain. It receives information according to its deeply entrenched biases bringing meaning to the phrase ‘perception is reality’. Your mindset is everything folks! I was overweight most of my life. Fat, smart & weird AF to be exact. Not exactly the best combination for popularity. As a result, I never fit in and was bullied or left out from a young age. This created a chain reaction of negative feelings and coping mechanisms revolving around my appearance and intelligence. I hated myself and my body and in an unsuccessful attempt to fit in I dimmed my personality, losing myself at a very young age. The first maladaptive coping mechanism I developed was binge eating. As a latchkey kid in the 90’s I used food like pop tarts, pizza pockets and Kraft dinner as a substitute for the meaningful interpersonal connections and popularity that I longed so desperately for. As I got older I fell into the ‘wrong crowd’ and took up a variety of unhealthy habits like drinking, smoking and doing drugs in an effort to be ‘cool’. None of this worked, however!
I just ended up polluting my body and becoming addicted to the sweet, sweet dopamine released in my brain by these activities.
Eventually, I found what I thought was love, got married, & had a baby… Because that’s how you fit in, right? Nope! That didn’t work either. Although the birth of my child definitely changed how much I partied, I just switched the addiction back to food in an attempt to fill the void within me. By this point in my life, I was attending university and had almost earned a Hons BA, specializing in positive psychology, or what makes people HAPPY; an ironic area of focus as I was thoroughly depressed! Through my education, however, I applied some of these principles to myself and managed to lose a bunch of weight and get my once debilitating anxiety under control. Not long after I went through a divorce, became a part-time single mom and unexpectedly ended up finding work as a personal trainer at a big corporate gym. Coaching others to lose weight as I had done kept me on track with my fitness, however, my personal life remained a hot mess. I was still carrying around the mindset of that awkward, lonely fat girl, and I brought it with me into every relationship I attempted to form. Each time I entered a new situation I still assumed people were judging me based on my physical appearance. When I looked in the mirror, I still didn’t like what I saw. I became neurotic about working out, suffering many overtraining injuries and stress-related issues as a result. Over the years my body continued to become more and more fit, however, I STILL was not happy.
Eventually, the increasingly stressful dichotomy within me came to a breaking point. Here I was: successful, motivational, life-changing personal trainer by day; sad & lonely, depressed & anxious alcoholic party girl by night. I clung to the time I had with my daughter but when she was gone the demons came out. After a crushing rock-bottom involving a series of narcissistic sociopathic men that left me drained physically, emotionally & financially I had had enough. I was introduced to the world of self-help books and started taking them seriously. Previously I had brushed this stuff off as fluffy, hippy-dippy bullsh*t, but once I found a few voices that resonated with me and started practising their techniques, things started to shift around me.
I realized that the root of all of my issues involved placing my happiness in the hands of other people when in reality, it was INSIDE OF ME the whole time!!
Unconditional love for myself streamed out of my every pore and I no longer felt the need to numb the pain with all of the maladaptive behaviours I was participating in previously. The self-loathing driven addictions all melted away and I was free to create the life I’d always wanted. It was not easy, and it definitely got worse before it got better but I am not looking back. I am overcome with gratitude to MYSELF and the universe for this new life and have made it my mission to share how I did it with as many people as possible!
Through consistent effort focused on 3 major areas, I help my clients achieve their own success stories and live their lives more authentically.
- Meditation and mindfulness calm the mind and help you change the story you tell yourself about who you are.
- Mobility, dynamic movement & resistance training brings your body into balance, alleviating tension, dropping fat and building muscle.
- Clean, balanced eating keeps your hormones regulated, maintains energy balance and supports healthy weight loss and/or muscle development.
It is honestly hard for me to put into words how I feel compared to living my life as the old sad, scared Jenn. I can say though, that there is NOTHING I would trade to go back. If you’re ready to create the life you’ve always dreamed of, you’ve come to the right place! I hope my system inspires you to start loving the stuff that sucks, get comfortable with being uncomfortable and take the plunge to change your life for good!!